Friday, May 11, 2012

Dear Daughter

Genesis 3:16 "To the woman he said, "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.""

Jeremiah 1:5 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."

Dear Daughter,

I write this as you and Owen are snuggled next to each other in my bed, I love that he loves you so much. Cole would be right here with us too (well, on his own side of the bed with remote in hand watching cartoons) if he weren't still asleep in his own bed :) I write this on your 3-month birthday. I write this because the last 3 months have been many things from exciting to exhausting. From fulfilling to challenging. I write this because I love this story. I write this because I do not want to forget!

When we found out we were pregnant with you we were a bit surprised. After having dealt with Owen's colic for 7 months, I didn't feel I could handle another baby. But God knew otherwise and as always, had his own plan. In fact, just two weeks before making our family of 4 permanent (catch my drift, ha!?), we found out we were expecting you! What were we thinking trying to overpower God's plan? I am forever thankful His plan won out over ours!

Each of my pregnancies were a little different, but this time around the morning sickness was B-R-U-T-A-L...even landing me in the ER. And just to keep things interesting, I decided that I did not want to find out what we were having until you were born. It took some convincing for daddy to be on board with not finding out (he is a BIG planner, you know!). As I wrote in an earlier post, there was something romantic about NOT knowing the sex of our baby - something special about waiting 10 months and having that ONE moment in life where the doctor yells out "IT's A..."! He was on board! And maybe the wildest of my ideas was that I wanted to give unmedicated childbirth a fair shot. I'd had epidurals with the boys...Cole's delivery was uneventful but Owen's was a bit scary when my blood pressure dropped...Daddy was 100% on board with whatever I chose during labor & delivery...just the support I needed...but, eeek!

My labor & your delivery were so amazing. I do not want to ever forget. At my 38+ week appointment, measurements were way off (not unusual, we'd been through the same with the boys) and the ultrasound was not 100% reassuring, so our doctor sent me to be checked into L&D that night. And while I was induced (not really the decision I wanted but what was best), the remainder of L&D was unmedicated. I mean absolutely zero zip zilch pain medications. I had several ladies in my life who encouraged me & had suggested the Bradley Method, so we gave it a shot. Going from 1cm-7cm was "easy," relatively speaking. Don't get me wrong, it was a WORKOUT...staying focused - remember to belly breathe through contractions, focus on relaxing, allow daddy (aka coach) to talk me through contractions. As I got to 7cm, I knew it. I knew it because I whispered my safety word to coach...this was the word I chose to use if I got to the point I couldn't take the pain & wanted the epidural. Uncle. He ignored me, he knew I was SO close & I would regret opting out at this point. Oh words-I-can't-say-in-front-of-my-children! Going from 7-10cm hurt like I never imagined. There is about a 30-minute period that I don't remember and it's probably for the best. Coach referred to it as an 'exorcism!' Ha! I do know however that there were some bad words & that I was SO sore in my arms & back the next day (along with a bruised nose bridge...what was I doing?? Ha!). I remember as I reached the "I have to push & there's no stopping me, where is the doctor" point, a nursing assistant got in my face & snapped me into shape like a drill sargeant. I was so thankful for her! But boy, when the doctor walked in, I refused the stirrups (at some point) & pushed for only 90 seconds! And yes, it does feel like your body is on fire and that it is ripping open, but (thankfully) in reality it is neither of those & temporary. I have not heard anyone mention this before (maybe because it's too graphic for some) but feeling you being born, Feeling you enter this world was worth Every labor pain. Every. Then the OB said, "ok dad, what is it?" I didn't even give daddy a chance, I sat up, looked & yelled out "GIRL!!!" I think daddy was too much in shock to say anything :) After he cut the cord & you were placed on my chest, I just sobbed. Sobbing of complete joy! I AM so blessed to have two mama's boys, of knowing how special my bond is with my boys, that my heart swelled knowing daddy would now get the oopportunity to be wrapped around his child's finger :) And I know that someday my boys will marry and while I can never be replaced as their mother, they will have another woman in their lives. But having a daughter, I know I will always be The woman in your life.

I love each of you more than you will ever understand until you have children of your own. I love each of you will all my heart & soul, with every fiber of my being, for always & forever, amen!


Anonymous said...

Wow - I remember crying right along with you when we found out she was a girl. I was so happy that my daughter was going to get to experience the same gift that I did. LY both (mom/Mimi)

Trina said...

Oh Dawn. Thank you for sharing your sweet story. And someday, your daughter will cherish this as well. Lovely.